The End
by ExLibris3
Summary: Ducky has some bad news for Jenny. Season 5 spoilers. Written for the Tearjerker Challenge on NFA. Hints at Jibbs. Angsty


_A/N: Written for the Tearjerker Challenge on NFA, so this one is pretty sad. Season 5 spoilers._

**The End**

"Am I gonna die?" Though she was close to whispering, the words echoed off every shiny surface in the autopsy room, making it sound like she was shouting. She stared blankly at the sad-looking man before her. Her eyes closed, because she knew he had no good answer to her question.

"I am so sorry, Jenny." His voice was thick, something she'd rarely heard before, thick with unshed tears. He placed a hand on her arm, meant to be calming, but it just made it even harder for her to hold back the tears. She couldn't cry, she reprimanded herself. That wouldn't be right. She wouldn't cry for herself. She tried to turn away; turn away from his touch, but her feeble efforts to struggle free was prevented by his other hand closing around her other arm, holding her still in front of him. She twisted her head away.

"Jenny," he whispered softly. Once again she got the sense he was shouting, her name bounced off the stainless steel areas, seeming to mock her. "You don't have to be strong in this moment."

She opened her eyes to meet his blue ones.

"Then what should I be, Ducky? If I'm not strong…" she started, the shrillness in her voice surprising even herself.

Ducky cracked a faint smile. She couldn't help but to wonder why.

"That's not what I mean. Of course you have to be strong, and you always are, my dear. You're one of the strongest women I know." The sadness returned to his tone as he spoke. "I meant you don't have to be afraid of crying. It's not a weakness, Jenny."

Hearing his words, Jenny screwed up her face, turned her head away from the piercing blue eyes, at this moment they were a painful reminder of somebody else's. But, however, that did not stop the tears from running uncontrollably down her pale cheeks.

Ducky's eyes were beaded with tears as he took a step forward and wrapped his arms around the crying, broken woman.

"I'm gonna die, Ducky."

He closed his eyes as her voice whispered in his ear. He felt his tears run in silent streams down his face. He knew what she said was true, though he wished, wished with all his heart it wasn't.

Jenny cried soundly into her friend's neck, feeling his hands pat her back, his touches may be meant to be comforting, but she knew there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that could calm the raging storm of emotions rushing through her body at that very moment. She felt her body tense, shake and shiver with every struggling breath she took, as though it was already getting painful to breathe. She felt a tremor behind her tongue.

She pulled away from Ducky, and when not steadied by him, she swayed dangerously, her head suddenly spinning and for a brief moment she thought she was going to faint. She closed her eyes, tried to steady her breathing as she heard Ducky's concerned voice penetrate her thoughts.

"Jenny? How are you doing?" She again felt his hand on her arm, this time guiding her to sit down in the chair at his desk.

"I'm fine." She whispered. "I am fine." Trying to convince both him and herself that was the case. But she knew, knew it wasn't like that. She was already feeling the disease tearing at her, weakening her, slowly killing her on the inside.

She stifled another sob, and suddenly became aware of Ducky's hand resting on her shoulder.

"Would you like some tea, my dear?" he asked softly. She answered with a nod, not trusting herself to speak. Ducky's hand left her shoulder and she could hear him moving around, mumbling something about the brewer was hopefully able to make a decent cup of Earl Grey.

She listened to his calm voice still talking, not caring about the words, just listening. Ducky's voice had always had the power to sooth her, making her feel safe. Hence why she'd always enjoyed listening to his stories, not because she was particularly interested in them, but because she loved hearing his voice.

She was roused by Ducky placing a steaming cup in front of her. She smiled sadly as he pulled out another chair to sit with her.

He regarded her carefully over the brim of his glasses. And Jenny, incredibly aware of the remnants of crying still on her cheeks, tried to discreetly wipe away them with her sleeve.

"Don't be ashamed of tears, Jenny." He reminded her and she felt her eyes dam up again.

"How…how long…do I have left?" a question she'd never thought she'd ask. A question she didn't really wanna hear the answer to. She'd known, known from that very first day as a Special Agent, that any day, any moment, she could get killed, just like that. She _could _get killed. She could also survive. Now there was no choice, no surviving, no maybes. She was dying and there was no way out. It was a completely different feeling in _knowing _you only had a limited time left. She knew she was not going to get better.

Ducky studied her carefully while sipping his tea, as though trying to determine whether to be honest with her or not. She sent him a look that reminded him so much of Gibbs, he decided the truth was the best, however gruesome it was.

"Months." He said finally.

She closed her eyes in despair, the hand holding the tea cup began to tremble.

The Gibbs-glare had raised another question for Ducky. He hesitated, then, "What are you gonna tell Jethro?"

Jenny fixed her gaze on the tea, stirred it slightly with her spoon and then spoke without lifting her gaze.

"Nothing." She said and knew Ducky opened his mouth to argue. However, she continued before he could do so. "I can't tell him, Ducky. I can't tell anyone, but especially not him."

"May I ask why?" he sounded skeptical at her choice. She raised her gaze.

"How would he take it? How would he look at me? I want him to remember me the way he knows me. I don't want his picture of me to change into that of a woman being destroyed by her own body."

"I think he would look at you like I have always seen him look at you, my dear."

Jenny raised her eyebrow.

"And how is that?" she said sadly.

"With love."

She met his gaze briefly before glancing away.

"I haven't seen that look in his eyes for a very long time, Ducky." In her voice was something he only could describe as hurt, however hard she tired to disguise it. He'd always known about her weakness for Gibbs.

He reached out and covered her hand with his. She looked up at him, her green eyes expressing a sadness he had not been expecting to see. The fluorescent light reflecting in them and made the green shine like pale emeralds.

"But I have." He answered truthfully and he thought he saw a deep pain flicker across her eyes for a moment so brief he couldn't even swear he'd actually seen it.

"It's my fault. It's all my fault, Ducky." She said and he was now pretty sure about the pain, because when it was no longer in her eyes, it was all too evident in her voice. He started to argue but she cut him off.

"I left him. Then on my first day as Director I told him off. He - he said he'd missed me." Her voice trembled until it finally cracked. She tore her gaze away as hot tears burned their way down her pale cheeks, leaving long traces down her face. It was too painful to remember.

"And, what did you say?"

Jenny closed her eyes in despair, or maybe because of the pain the memory evoked.

"No off the job." Barely louder than a whisper, yet her voice seemed to travel into every corner and crevice of the autopsy room.

"My dear, I know Jethro still cares a lot about you, and I strongly suspect he'd want to know about your medical condition." Ducky looked at her warmly, but it wasn't enough to chase away the cold sadness that kept creeping up into the pale blue eyes.

"I know he does." She replied softly, her voice only slightly above a whisper. At least she though he still did. "But this is not about him." She added even quieter. "I can't reach out to him now, not this close to the end."

"You still love him?" It was meant as a question, but came out as a statement.

"I never stopped loving him." She sipped her tea that was now cold. She put the cup back down on the table.

"It's too late to change anything between us now." She fought the tears again, but gave up the battle soon enough and allowed herself to cry for their relationship that should have been so much more.

She met Ducky's gaze, and the elderly man reached out to brush a tear off her cheek.

"This is not going to be easy is it?" She asked quietly. Ducky realized she was no longer talking about Gibbs. Perhaps she thought it was too hard.

"It's going to get painful, Jenny. I wish I could say something else, but I can't and you should know the truth. Sometimes, you can't control the outcome."

Jenny remained silent, thinking about what he'd said.

"More tea?"

She nodded absentmindedly at Ducky's question and he rose to get her a refill.

She knew she was looking at a painful death, knew it wouldn't be merciful when he body started slowing down and betraying her. She decided she would not tell Gibbs, at least not yet. It would only make this harder for herself. She knew she had no choice but to face the reality as it was, and accept the fact she was rapidly moving towards the end. The end. It sounded like it would be so far away. But it wasn't, not anymore.

She suddenly smiled sadly up at Ducky who had poured hot tea into her cup and was now back in his seat.

"Tell me a story." She said. He looked surprised, but did not pass up on an opportunity to speak, which Jenny was grateful for. She only listened intently for a few minutes, then realized she'd heard this one at least twice, and ignored the words, just listening to his voice. Let it calm her, allowed it to make her feel safe. Let his voice reach into her and closing around her like a protective shield.

She knew the end was near, but right in this moment, it couldn't seem farther away.

**The End**


End file.
